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Fortune teller’s spears of destiny
2:00pm Tuesday 7th January 2014 in News
THIS year we are set to be plagued by bad news with the split of a supergroup, the loss of a senior royal and more bad weather in the Far East on the cards, according to the world’s only Asparamancer.
Fortune teller Jemima Packington, who uses only Vale of Evesham asparagus to predict the future, predicts a lot of “downbeat” news for 2014, including Middle Eastern politics continuing to give rise for more international concern and a miserable time for sports and sportsmen in the UK as they struggle to capitalise on previous successes but to no avail.
She has also called it the year of the divorce as an incredible amount of people divorce and separate, including high-profile couples.
Last year Miss Packington successfully predicted a better year for the asparagus crop, a significant tsunami in the Far East and a year of extreme weather.
“I was about 80 per cent accurate with the 2013 predictions,”
said Miss Packington, who throws the spears of asparagus into the air and makes her predictions based on the way the vegetable lands on the floor.
“But this year it happened very quickly. It was generally downbeat and nothing upbeat. There is going to be the royal weddings and babies but generally it just seems as if this year we will be plaqued with down beat news.”
THE ASPARAMANCER’S PREDICTIONS FOR 2014
Loss of a senior member of the royal family will give rise to great sadness and the end of an era.
But additions to the family will compensate with more Royal pregnancies on the horizon.
Royal engagements/ weddings will lift the spirits.
The weather situation in the Far East will get much worse as the year progresses.
Middle Eastern politics will give rise to yet more international concern and a worldwide situation will occur but disaster will be narrowly avoided.
2014 will become the year of the divorce with an incredible number of separations and divorces especially among highprofile couples who are seeminghly happy together.
Political turmoil will dog one party leader and there will be no escape from the consequences.
Sport and sportsmen in the UK will have a miserable time. There will be incredible struggle to capitalise on previous successes, but to no avail.
Worldwide, businesses large and small will finally realise that an holistic approach to employment of their workforce is imperative for healthy growth.
A major mogul in the entertainment industry will announce his retirement.
A supergroup will announce they are splitting up.
A major winter storm in January will bring more chaos and misery to the UK.
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