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YOUR Yucca's looking yucky, your Ficus is funny and your Flaming Sword has drooped - who you goin' to call?
Well, if you live in the north Cotswolds, it could very well be plantsman Paul Williams, or at least you might grab a copy of his latest book, House Plants - Indoor plants anyone can grow, which is published by Dorling Kindersley.
Paul, who until recently lived in Station Road, Blockley but is now at home with picture-framer wife Barbara in Darlingscott, is the sort of person who can put the bounce back into the most lacklustre Rubber Plant and spruce up the dowdiest Peacock Plant.
Paul, aged 53, studied horticulture at Pershore College and was head gardener at Bourton House, Bourton-on-the-Hill, before setting up his own garden design and consultancy practice.
He moved into writing in the late 1980s, when he was asked to write a book on container gardening, which was also published by DK.
"I got asked to do that book and that led to another, then another and so on. The only book I had to fight to get published was called Digging Deeper, which was soft science for the garden, and that won an award," says Paul.
He describes himself as an "outdoor gardener who likes indoor plants". He is particularly pleased at the move to Darlingscott, as the new house has bigger windows, meaning more light in which plants can flourish.
His book is a list of more than 150 easily available indoor plants in a simple A to Z format.
At the front of the book is a plant chooser, to help readers select the best plants for their home, with plants divided between those that flower, those that provide winter features, those with scented flowers, patterned foliage or coloured leaves.
It lists plants that are ideal for bathrooms, those that will thrive in conservatories and those that will tolerate low light or cold conditions.
"There's a houseplant to satisfy everyone's style and taste, and the benefits are well documented: houseplants not only brighten up your interior; but they can help reduce stress, and also remove volatile chemicals from the air," says Paul in the introduction to his book.
Perhaps most important for the budding indoor gardener is the section at the back of the beautifully photographed book, explaining how to care for houseplants, which can often be notoriously difficult to maintain.
Paul advises people to err on the side of under-watering rather than over-watering, as most plants can bear the dry, but will simply rot if allowed to sit in waterlogged compost.
Most of the plants featured in his book can be bought at places like B&Q and Sainsbury's Homebase , rather than from specialist growers.
"The B&Qs of this world do a good job. We've found very good quality plants. Turnover is so great that the stock is generally quite fresh," he says.
He was even surprised to find a Euphorbia Tirucalli - a Pencil Cactus- nestling on the shelves of Sainsbury's Homebase one day.
"When you see them, you have to grab them," he says. "I was quite surprised by the number of plants we were able to buy at the big stores."
Since writing the book, he has grown to love orchids.
"When I started the book I wasn't too keen on them but I've been growing them for the past year and they are re-flowering," he says proudly.
He also says he has to "give a shout" for the much-maligned spider plant, Aspidistra and Mother-in-Law's Tongue.
"People think they are a bit boring and Victorian but they are making a bit of a comeback. They are structural and quite contemporary. You can complement the style of your house by choosing the right plants."
Apart from his garden design work, Paul writes for Gardeners' World magazine and The Guardian. He also does a regular phone-in gardening show for BBC Radio Oxford and recently visited Japan to do a TV show and judge a competition on container gardening.
His international readership is widespread, including Japan, the US, South Africa, Spain and Scandinavia.
"There are nine foreign editions of this one. The Finns have bought 23,000 copies, which made me chuckle. I suppose they don't go out much in winter."
He is also embarking on another book, though he refuses to say what it is about for fear that someone might steal his idea.
With all this work, it is perhaps unsurprising that the thing Paul is most happy about with his new home is size of the garden - it's a lot smaller than the one he left behind in Blockley.
l House Plants - Indoor plants anyone can grow by Paul Williams, is published by Dorling Kindersley, price £12.99.
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